CHACONZONE

Last week I had lunch with a friend I unfriended on social media.

Back to that in a moment.

As so many of you know, life has a way of losing our attention. To that end, I try my best to pay attention to the small things: sunrises, sunsets, and everything in between.

I’m not always successful.

I assume that many of you can empathize with those moments when our days are in overdrive — replete with appointments, practices, pick-ups, drop-offs, and the like. When I have days like this, I thank God for coffee, Red Bull, and quick food.

Speaking of food, I learned long ago to savor everything I put in my mouth. Gone are the frenetic days of stuffing my face with a quick bite to satisfy my hunger. Nowadays, I always focus on what I’m eating, from a bland $2 burrito from Taco Bell, to food more expensive and delectable. And you can bet that if I’m eating ribs, I’m thoroughly enjoying every single bite.

Ribs are what I ordered when I broke bread with my unfriended refriended friend Jose last week. And yes, the topic of “unfriending” did come up. I explained to him that I “clean house” every now and again across my social media. Usually, I remove people for two reasons: 1) No interaction; 2) politics. The former is where he landed. I shared that it wasn’t personal; I simply didn’t interact with him on social.

We reconnected through loss. A mutual friend of ours passed away from cancer. While she was someone I knew from my childhood stomping grounds, we weren’t close. That said, our daughters played softball in the same league, and attended the same high school. Jose knew her more intimately. She was his first love, prom date, and longtime amiga.

After reconnecting, and a couple of chance encounters, Jose and I scheduled lunch.

I assumed I met Jose during middle school; however, during our meal I learned that he went to August Boeger, a school near Mt. Pleasant High School in San Jose. I went to Quimby Junior High, a separate middle school nestled in the east foothills a few miles away. We speculated that we must have crossed paths at the Hoekes’, a family home which was more like a neighborhood hub, fostering friendships and memories that still endure today.

Just about every time I meet with friends, I learn something new. Meeting-up with Jose was no different. I learned that he has been sober since February 23, 2003, experienced multiple incarceration terms, and lost his younger brother in August.

A lot to digest over lunch.

When I asked him about his past, he said that when he was a much younger man, alcohol served as the catalyst for more nefarious behavior. And when confronted with the reality of spending years away, he realized that change — beginning with sobriety — was the answer.

Today, he is a living example of someone who saw light at the end of the tunnel, earning a bachelor’s in business and an MBA. And in addition to working full time, and pursuing entrepreneurial endeavors, Jose helps others come to terms with substance abuse.

His late brother, Daniel, was an accomplished musician, performing with bands such as Papa Roach and Alien Ant Farm. And while music was part of his DNA — a passion passed down from his father, Daniel was also warm, funny, and generous.

Like his brother, Jose is also among my incredibly generous friends. Thanks to him (and others), my students have enough Kleenex, notebooks, and clothing to get them through winter.

A few days ago I heard someone on TV say this about life: “You don’t get out of this thing alive [so make it count].”

This message should resonate with all of us. It certainly has for Jose.